We have all stood in our own painful shoes, all of us, but until you have felt the pain of the trauma that others have faced in their shoes, don't try and think you know what it feels like, or judge. I certainly don't and never will. Ever.
I was hurt by something someone once said about a life matter they will never ever understand, and the reason they will never understand is because they never stood in my shoes feeling my pain. So how could they even try and think they knew how my pain felt.
Sadly, I was immature at the time of hearing what I heard, and didn’t respond constructively. I also didn't understand that person had their own deep rooted issues, because I had never stood in their shoes either.
We are all capable of never truly understanding.
Time, therapy and maturity have helped me understand that others have their own issues that we may never get to know about, or understand, and no matter what you do or say they will never listen properly or maybe even understand your pain, because they are hugely complex themselves, with little self esteem or self worth. Some people might float through life judging others and growing a bitter shell, which we can only watch with sadness, and with a feeling of helplessness. We can however continue to share love, gratitude, kindness and hope. We have all had to learn, and thank goodness for that.
Personally, you don't need to ever try and second guess what it feels like being sexually abused as a child (it is pretty much as bad as it sounds) and you don’t need to try and understand how it feels to have been manipulated / ripped apart emotionally and abandoned by your biological Father (it’s just as sickening and painful as it sounds!!)
I will never truly understand they why's and wherefores, but through the years I have become wiser to my pain & sorrow and now understand that it was never my fault, my perpetrators had their own serious deep rooted issues, shoes I will never stand in.
I can forgive. I have moved on after 30 odd years (and thousands of pounds of therapy later) and found my self worth, self love and strength through the power of forgiveness which was liberating. I bear no grudges, just sadness for many people.
One thing I have learnt in life is to stand up and be transparent and authentic.
Writing has been something that has helped me over the years. I have forgiven my perpetrators, they must have been in a difficult place to have done what they did with me and to me. Thank goodness I found a pair of shoes that fitted better, and you can too.
My story is not unusual (sadly) and I hope reading this you will know you have never been alone and together we can make a difference to people’s lives.
Please don’t be careless with young (& old) fragile hearts and minds, they break easily - especially those full of love and goodness.