I used to dread Sunday evenings as a child… that horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach that I would have to go back to school and spend time with the junior psychiatrist or spend the day locked in the headmistresses office taking my lessons, that horrible feeling that I was going back to being sexually abused, manipulated, tortured and back to having no biological Father in my life. It was almost like Sunday was when my reality began again and there was no pain killer to make it go away.
It was an agonising time of my life.
With a lot of years of therapy and recovery behind me, I now love my Sundays - I gave up wishing my Father would come back a long time ago, or fearful that someone would hurt me and I now 100% love the fresh smell of the week ahead. For sure it has been hard work getting here, it has taken a lot of time and care, but in doing so I have found 5 things that have enabled me to find my peace by taking the following steps…..
Learning to forgive those who hurt me (not because they deserved forgiveness, but because I deserved to heal), has liberated my life and emotional/mental health, it was not easy to forgive but through forgiveness I found I could let go of my bitterness, cut free my abusers and give myself the time I needed to heal and in healing I found out about authenticity.
When I spoke up, shared my story and stopped pretending I was someone I wasn’t, I started to heal. In healing I found my authentic self and with my authentic self I found a new path to confidence, strength and success (and I don’t mean monetary), I found my passion.
When I found my passion of sharing, caring and supporting others I felt like I had landed. I was embracing a life I enjoyed. Giving back was a huge part of my recovery, I could speak up, be authentic and forgive those that had hurt me. I could also forgive myself. I was learning so much.
As I grew in my professional and personal life I became a sponge. I asked questions and wrote. I became more confident in myself, I trusted myself and found new ways of achieving and grabbing new possibilities and opportunities. I always felt behind with my years, mainly because of the years that were stolen from my childhood… I had a lot of catching up to do. Part of my education was to understand my boundaires and the power of listening.
This was a skill that became a real strength to my life. Once I had embraced Forgiveness, Authenticity, Passion & Learning, I found the power of listening a huge part of my education, a huge part of me feeling safe. The chitter chatter in the background of my thoughts was quieter & I was able to hear what was going on around me.
Taking my time, speaking to my therapists (an A-Z of therapy over 20 years) and having some distance allowed me to Forgive, be Authentic, enjoy my Passion, keep Learning and understand what Listening meant. It has allowed me to be whole.
I write because I want to close the gap for others pain by sharing what I have learnt to succeed. If you can understand the power of Forgiveness, Authenticity, Passion, Learning and Listening you might be surprised and what you might find.
Nothing changes overnight, but with careful care and attention it does slowly change….trust me, I am a survivor!